Open Letter to World Cup Soccer

Dear FIFA and other World Cup Soccer officials,

I’m a middle aged man living in America. I recently (and briefly) jumped on the soccer bandwagon because of the strong performance of the U.S. team in your “World Cup.”  Prior to that my only experience with your sport was standing in heavy rain or blistering sun to watch my then-10 year old daughter pretend to be interested in her Brownie troop games.

I offer these admittedly novice opinions, because I think you want me to care more about your sport. You’ve got my attention, but some things need to change.
#1 SPEED IT UP! I live close to both the Wisconsin Badger Football team and the NFL’s Green Bay Packers, and I enjoy watching them on TV, but if the games become dull I go rake leaves.  Your games should be shorter.

#2 FIX YOUR CLOCK.  You count down to the end of the game. 

#3 HIGHLIGHT YOUR STARS.  I know a guy named “Dempsey” is the U.S. Captain, but the only other player I can identify is Tim Howard, the fantastic goalie. I never saw them interviewed.  They were not in any beer commercials.
Have reporters ask the players questions like “What’s planned for the second half?” so they can reply they “will give 110%.”

Feel free to share these points at your next meeting.

Pat O’Neill