So . . . for the second time, my husband Marc and I were hoping to add to our family . . . but we lost our sweet little person to miscarriage.
I bring this up not to selfishly spew the awful thoughts that are constantly dancing around in my brain in hopes of using you as a vent, but because this is such a common thing, and it's never talked about. We silently suffer through the physical and emotional weight that is miscarriage. We have hormones jumping out of our skins, we're hoping to be rescued by some sane person, but it's really just ourselves and our bodies crawling through each day.
It's OK to feel sad. It's OK to feel happy. It's OK to feel helpless. It's OK to feel mad. It's OK to feel hate. As someone who's been through miscarriage before, I know that I was waiting to wake up one morning and magically feel okay with the loss of my baby, the loss of my hopes, the loss of my dreams . . . but it's obviously not that easy. You've got to give it a little something. You've got to be responsible for your energy and what you bring to the table. Make an effort to smile. Make an effort at even a teeny bit of forward movement every day. It will come back tenfold.
Smiling doesn't mean you've forgotten about your baby. Smiling means you're starting to feel the energy of your sweetheart in a forever sort of way, in your heart.
It never gets easy . . . just easier. If miscarriage is something you've experienced, especially recently, I wish you peace.