Lanette’s Blog: Scary Stuff
Written by Lanette Hansen on November 13, 2020
A couple months ago, I had just picked my kids up from my parent’s house. We were in the car… almost home and I realized that the seatbelt was hitting my collar weird. It hurt. So when I went inside I took a look at a mirror and there it was… a lump. And this is when everyone says… ‘don’t Google it.’ I Googled it. Not only was I dying, but I’d soon be losing my nose and my left, big toe. Oh my gosh. What you never wanted to read on the internets. So, I made an appointment with my doctor and the wait began. My biggest fear isn’t drowning or being caught in a fire… it’s leaving my kids too early. I know you always need your
mom…but when you’re still cutting up their chicken…it’s too early. Tick tock… tick tock… still waiting. Then… the day came. I smiled as I walked in. I smiled as she took a look at it..felt around…and look perplexed. I smiled as she said… ‘we need to take a better look at this. I can’t rule anything out.’ I think because part of me thought I was overreacting and she’d say… ‘go home, Lanette. It’s nothing.’ I smiled as I walked out to my car, even held the door for someone and told them to have a great day. I got to my car…and I cried. I had a good, ugly cry… and then made my next appointment. I found myself looking at my kids differently. I was constantly in the mirror checking to see if that damn lump changed shape or location. Every morning, I allowed myself to believe there was a chance it magically disappeared overnight. But every morning… there it was. Finally… the
day came for my chest x-ray. I forced myself to smile through it and was so happy to see the results in just a couple hours. Clean. Nothing. Breathe… But what was this? So… off to ultrasound. Results? Possibly osteoarthritis… but, nothing is conclusive. We need an MRI to be able to send you to Rheumatology. WAIT! My head is spinning. Let me work on getting my body back to where it needs to be. Having a baby at 42 is still wreaking havoc on this body. So… I needed to get inflammation under control… and I finally needed to drop this baby weight. THEN… I’ll reassess. So… here I am. Happy I didn’t need a referral to Oncology. Working on ME. Grateful. Thankful. But scary stuff… scary stuff, indeed.