Author: Lanette Hansen

The loss of a loved one is a crazy thing. It’s sad, of course. That’s a given. The profound effect is pretty heavy at times. You think of the way it was... the past is usually something to smile about. And you think of the last time you were with that person hoping it was something to be able to hold onto. And you think about the future. That’s where it gets a little tricky especially in this circumstance. Because the loss was a young person as a result of addiction. That’s the kind of stuff that makes your soul turn black. On the night he died, I stared at my kids as they fell asleep... holding onto their hands, playing with their hair, whispering in their ears ‘never forget how much I love you..' As if any of these things would save them from the world, but that’s just not reality.  Because at one time... he was that happy-go-lucky kid, too! He was funny and caring and lived for baseball. He loved his family something fierce. Once on a family trip, we argued who would have to sit next to him because this kid wouldn’t stop talking. I lost. When I was in college, I happily drove home to watch him play basketball and baseball. And he always managed to find me after the game to say he appreciated me being there. Growing up with him was the easy part. As alcohol started taking over his life, it was hard to be around him... then it was hard to hear about him... until it felt better to just remember the way it was. Because that’s when we smiled. So it’s that little boy I say good bye to, making it hurt so badly. And that’s why holding my babies longer and closer just feels like the right thing to do.